Goat Simulator… THE REVIEW… For XBOX ONE! Hail To The Goat!

Bootleg Pictures.. Only the best for my readers!

Bootleg Pictures.. Only the best for my readers!


I heard you like “goats”…. you want to simulate one??? Are you are a console punk? Well it is your lucky day punk.. Goat Simulator is coming to the Xbox One and Xbox 360…. I recently sat down and played the Xbox One version.. So come inside.. Read.. Read… Shoot for the moon.. Because where we are going.. You will bow down to the Goat…


So about a year back.. on April Fools Day.. A game was released for PC that would just change everything.. “Goat Simulator” by Coffee Stain Studios! It quickly became a cult hit and streamers would use it to shoot up in the streaming fame..  A few months later they added some more content and then later on it came out to the Apple and Robot… Fun Fact.. If I say “IOS” and ‘Android”.. I get so many Spam Comments.. Anyways……… One year later… BAM…. It is launching on the Xbox One/360 via  Double Eleven Limited!


Now it is pick your path time.. If you know about the game.. Skip to the bottom.. If not.. Where the hell have you been.. Come with me.. You will be confused.. Or just skip to the bottom to the “Review Part”.


Here Be The Main Menu!

Here Be The Main Menu!


So here is a question for you the “reader”… Have you played the Computer Release? If so you will notice that everything is mostly like the Computer Release.. This is a good thing, so many ports like to butcher things… The simple things in life..  They did add the account picker and xbox help button.. XBOX CAN NOT HELP YOU WITH THE GOAT! THEY DON’T KNOW MAN… THEY DON’T KNOW! Lets move on to the next fancy menu?


It is a thing of beauty...

It is a thing of beauty…


So from the start you have two maps to pick from.. Yes.. The original launch map of “Goatville” and the later on added map of “Goat City Bay”.. You console people are lucky as hell.. Puter people had to wait months for that second map… MONTHS! You kids have no idea how it was in the old days..  Also you can select Mutators! What is a “Mutator”? Well they are add-on for your goat. What you see in the screen shot is what you can start with at first. You can unlock more through the game by finding and doing things… You will unlock more.. They will make the game more bat shit crazy and also.. Yeah They Stack…  So if you want to be a jetpack goat that screams like the devil.. You can..

It also looks like you can have up to 4 players.. Looks to be local co-op.. Sadly I only have one controller so I could not try this out.. but lets get into the game..

Bow down to the Goat

Bow down to the Goat


So you are in.. Welcome to Goat Simulator.. Now go do whatever the hell you want.. This is a sandbox game.. Yes you have missions you can do.. Yes you have statues you can find..  But overall this is a game of just do whatever you like as a goat.   You run around, you go “Bah”, you lick things and you cause trouble..  You can do combos of destruction and mischief to build up a score… Or.. Well lets just go over the map or something..




In “Goatsville” you will enjoy a average size map. It is not tiny but it is not massive. It does have several houses you can run a muck in and several sites to see and do. It has trampolines… crains… factories.. water slides.. explosions.. rocks.. cars that will hit you… people you can set on fire and sacrifice… Goats you can fight and even Flappy Goat… Or you can go around and collect the goat statues that are hidden around the map?  Or you can hit that double box thing on the controller and enter slow motion mode.. Yes.. They brought it over for you to enjoy..


Sign says it all

Sign says it all


Now “Goat City Bay” is a much larger map.  It also adds a few things you can do that is not available in the other map.. Like bike riding.. Yes you can ride bikes and even race bikes. You can also do split screen races with local friends. Just take in fact that staying on a bike is a pain but is doable.  You can also visit the smallish amusement park and see what mischief you can have.



Bouncy House!


The city also has goat trophies to collect that are scattered around the map if you are into collecting.  But you will spend most of your time just doing whatever you want because you are a goat… and that is what goats do.  I would suggest taking a look up in the hills.. Things get weird.. Really Weird.. Maybe you like to go to a party.. It happens.. and even some stuff we shall not talk about..




Overall it is kinda hard to give a explanation of what you do in Goat Simulator.. It is a mindless soapbox game.  It doesn’t have a story or any real reason of what is going on.. It is a game that is a parody of a simulator as a simulator.. You can lick things and drag them around the map. You can ram people. You can destroy the inside of a house.  I guess the point is.. It is what it is.. For you to enjoy…


This Goat Has Gone To Heaven!

This Goat Has Gone To Heaven!


The Review part of The Review?

Overall this is a very solid build. The game graphics are nothing special but they were never to be the “best of the best”.  The physics work just as the computer release. Controls are solid and handle a lot better then they did on the pc release. I find myself being able to control the goat better in tight spaces..

Everything seems to click but one thing.. At times you will get a odd lag if you are using mutators in a house with a lot of things around.  I also noticed how some explosions will throw you back in a cut motion..  Take the gas station for example.. It seems a little different when you let it explode on the Xbox One release.  Like a a few frames of animation skips.

Also I think they might of cut out the cussing in the console release. I know in the PC release you could put it on kids mode. Kids mode is no where to be seen on the Xbox One version.. But I haven’t heard “Fuck” also.. So that might be why..

The only other disappointing but I totality understand why it is not in the game thing is… The MMO Map .. But maybe it will come later.. Who knows.. It is not that big of a deal..




Goat Simulator is still the GOAT.. I highly suggest it for the Xbone..  Just keep in mind that it is mindless fun.. It has no point.. It is a game that you jump in and just goof off in..  Some will hate it.. Others will Love it like I do. Hell.. You know I usually only play games on the PlayStation family tree.. And this is on the Xbox One.. You know it has to be good… Has TO BE!  I highly suggest it..

If you have Goat in your heart.. Let that goat out… Let it out and cause rampage.. Do it..


Sums up everything!

Sums up everything!


Info stuff!

Goat Simulator is coming to the Xbox One and Xbox 360 Sometime soon

It was original made by Coffee Stain Studios.

The Xbox One and Xbox 360 version is published and developed by Double Eleven Limited


Disclaimer! The nice people at Double Eleven Limited was nice enough to provide me with a review copy.. It was nice of them.. I do really love this game.. So many hours have been pumped into the pc version.. So many more hours will be pumped into the xbox one version..

About Dezkly ZQuestion

A Gamer that plays all the PS3/Vita/PS4 Retail Releases.. and more? Over 4200 games played.. and counting?

Posted on April 15, 2015, in Blah Blah Blah!. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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