I am Bread… The Half Ass PS4 Review!
It’s that time again! For you to read! You can still do that? Can Bread Read? I don’t know man… I don’t know… Well… Come with me…. Become bread… Become IT! Have I ever told you about the time I almost deleted a game about bread? Warning! What you are about to read has been written horribly, It has strong language and a ” I don’t give a fuck vibe”.. Nothing has been touched up or edited… No spelling has been corrected.. English enough? Enjoy?
Have you ever just got up sometime in the day… and just said.. “Fuck it.. I want to be bread…. Better yet… TOAST!’ Well if you have said something like that you might need some mental health you god damn weirdo… Or you can just become bread in ” I am Bread” on the PlayStation 4.
In ‘ I am Bread” you literally play as.. Bread.. That has a simple goal.. get toasted. You are placed in a room and you must move your bread ass to a heat source to get toasted. This sounds like it could be simple huh? Hell NO.. Bread Life is a tough Life. Have you ever played “Octodad” or “Surgeon Simulator”? Hope you enjoyed those games controls because that is basically how it is as playing as bread.
The controls take a bit to get use to and it does have a tutorial that helps out some. You will be holding down triggers on and off mostly. Lot of L1 + R1 left stick, L2 + R2 left stick. You can also move your bread slowly up,down,left,right with the stick but this is more for alignment then getting around. You can also lock your bread in place by hitting face buttons. You can do this on a corner to grab hold of something… Then spin around and let it fly! Hell you can go anywhere in this game along as you can keep grip. Yes you do have a grip metter but but some special things null that out and you will find yourself climbing up walls in no time.
While you are cussing at the controls you also have to keep in mind how ” edible” your bread is. Touching dirty areas will drop that down quick.. Touching bugs will do the same thing.. Because no one really wants a dirty ass peace of bread… Once you do find a heat source you will have to try to get toasted to a perfect percentage… Do not burn yourself.. No one likes that shit… Unless you are weird… Also you have to toast on both sides… Even thought some heat should hit both sides when you toast one side.. But… fuck.. I am bread…
Finally get toasted, You click that you are toasted and you will get a grade.. Unlock another stage even though it took your ass forever.. Look at that pun.. “Kneads Improvement”… That’s cute… You “kneads” to lay off you bread game mother fucker.. How should I known that you need to flip flop in jelly or butter to be delicious… I don’t use that shit… This is AMERICA! We USE BACON YOU FUCKER! Anyways.. You have seven stages of this.. Enjoy?
I am going to be honest with you.. Story Mode.. Can go fuck itself to me.. All is lost I guess… I guess I should delete this game and move on… Oh.. But didn’t you read.. I said “Have I ever told you about the time I almost deleted a game about bread?”… I bet you forgot that… *sympathy for the devil plays*
From the get-go.. This game has other modes that totally saves it. Bagel Race, Rampage, Cheese Hunt, Zero G and Free Roam… Well Free Roam levels show up after you complete a stage but still. So what exactly saved this game for me? Rampage Mode!
In Rampage Mode you play as a Baguette! And you just destroy fucking everything! They go all out setting up dishes and glass for you. It is just pure chaos and hilarious as hell. Also it kind of looks like a long dick at times.. Just flip flopping on stuff in a set of time. Trying to get a good score for it’s bread family.
Another mode that I really liked was Bagel Racing! This mode has about the easiest controls in the game. Since you can roll you do not have to use much of the triggers to get around.. Just push the stick and vroom vroom.. Hit the checkpoint plates, If something goes south you can hit the button and another bagel will take its place on the last checkpoint. This is pretty fun seeing how fast you can roll a bagel to get to a plate. Hey.. I like weird shit…
Cheese hunt is a bit more like the story mode but you find cheese instead of heat. It is alright but can be frustrating. They do not leave you blind to find the cheese but you will be flip flopping into some dirty shit to get to it at times.. Not a fan… Not a Fan!
Well I did have a screen shot of the Zero G mode.. But something got it fucked up and it is gone.. Just great.. Well maybe I can just explain it with the magic of words.. You play in Zero G! Yes.. you are floating the entire time with little rockets on your bread.. Other shit is floating… Its like the cheese and story.. You will be like.. “This is cool… FUCK THIS MODE!”
Free Roam is another saving grace, No time limit or objective. Pick what type of bread you want to play as and go explore. This is kind of good if you want to go back and get the feel of controls and the map. Think of it as a training.. I think you get the point now…
The review part of the half ass review?
” I am Bread” is a game that was made to be a challenge.. If you are a fan of Surgeon Simulator and Octodad.. You will love the story mode and overall this game.. It is goofy as you expect. You play as fucking bread man.. BREAD! Overall to me Rampage and Bagel Racing was the saving grace. I can see myself playing Rampage mode over and over again to see if I can get a better grade/combo. I did find that the game lags a bit when all hell breaks loose in Rampage.. This could just be my PS4.
Would I suggest buying this game? Yea.. Its a weird ass game.. But it is also a really fun/funny weird ass game that has a good chunk to offer.
If you would like to see some game play.. or watch some streams… Search #PlayStationMVP on twitter.. Me and other MVP’s will be streaming it on and off for a few weeks..
“I am Bread” is out now on the PlayStation 4. You can pick it up on the PlayStation Store
Developed and Published by Bossa Studios
Disclaimer! The Nice People at evolve pr provided my ass a code.. That was nice of them…
And Now.. A quote that sums up everything?
“It’s everyone’s dream to cast out a line, tug at the ropes, catch the giant marlin and bring it back to shore safely. Everyone wants to win the proverbial bread, and everyone wants to live happy lives. But, given the difficulty of submerging yourself in adversity and actually facing the tides, not everyone will be able to live the lives they pictured.
Many will fail and simply stop trying, but others will rise up again and face the storm. And, with great risk comes great reward.
You can choose to chase the feeling that causes your pupils to dilate and blood to rush powerfully through your veins, or you can choose to ignore your passions and dull your senses. You can take the road less traveled and live the life you truly desire, or you can choose to be another brick in the wall. The choice is yours.” – Hunter S. Thompson