Its Christmas Eve and I decided to give a gift to the world… A new review… of a game that has been released a few times before..  Superbeat Xonic for the Switch. To save you time, I liked it… Want to read more about the trip about where I have been for almost two years and how some weird things showed me Three different Christmas stories.. Well fuck.. Just keep reading then.. THE STORY PART 1

So about two years ago I just gave up on posting to this site, earlier this year I also gave up on twitter.  Well something happened before Thanksgiving of this year. I was visited by… Wait… You are thinking I am going to make something up along the lines of the classic ” Christmas Carol”. Well… You are Smart? Please clap your hands 3 times.. But you are wrong!

I actual seen a press release for DJMax Respect coming to the west, also included was info about Superbeat Xonic. As for having multiple stacks of this game on the Vita/PS4.  I figured I would give this a shot for the Holiday season on the Switch. Little did I know… I was about to go on a weird trip because of Xonic.

So I sent in my request, and I got it..  Big shout out to Nao. She has always been super cool as-well as everyone at acttil.

Back to the trip, I know. So I get the review code, I download the game… This took a bit because my Switch wifi is a bit slow. Well i really should talk about the game and my review before I get deep into this odd story.

THE GAME – If you would like to know about the game.. read this?

SuperBeat XONiC is a game that actually released a couple years ago. The first console version was on the PlayStation Vita. Later on it released on the PS4 & XBOX One. The game was at one time called a spiritual successor of DJMAX. If you have no what I am talking about. Its a rhythm game. If you still have no clue what that is… Here is a youtube trailer. If you still have no clue what is going on.. Just get the fuck out… FUCKING GO!

So lets talk about this Switch version of the game. It looks like everything from the past version is here! Sidenote… Cadbury Dairy Milk Fruit & Nuts chocolate bars kinda suck now since Hershey started to make them in the States instead of Importing them.. I want my band-aid tasting peanuts, damn-it!

Sorry about that, Back to the game coverage.  Leveling up, Unlocking DJ Icons and Sounds to unlock are still present. So the meat and potato’s of the game is still here. The Stage mode still has 4 Trax, 6 Trax, 6Trax Fx and Free Style Mode. It is all here! Trax modes are exactly how they sound. Think of them as Medium,Hard and Hard as fuck.  Each mode has a few songs you pick from at first that you clear, pick another song for another set, clear and again. Freestyle is just well everything you have unlocked. Yes you unlock songs in this game, not like those others that let you have it all at once. You have to work for it in this game.

Look at the screen shot, that is what it looks like.. Got it? You can also adjust speed if you like to play fast. Maybe you do not like the standard sound that it makes for hits, you can change that also. If you are really ballsy you can click up in those three boxes by the score to do modifications. You can make them ghost and do all different weird shit to really give yourself a challenge. But I am going to suggest if you mess with those, You are better off going into the main settings of the game and setting difficulty to Easy.. Or you will be fucked..  Lets look at the in-game stuff!

If you have not played it before, The Tutorial stage is wonderful and I highly suggest it. You can play the game using the joycons connected to the switch, pro controller and touch screen. The joycons are alright but I found that it is a bitch to hold a switch and do what all you need to do for this game.  The pro controller is a big step up.  I found myself able to pull off longer combos then the joycons just because of the compact size and it has been what I was use to using on the PS4. The touch screen seems to be the best but only when you take the joycons off and lay it on a flat surface.

The game really throws everything at you at times, from doing holds on one side to having to swipe on the other. It is really hard to explain all of this by a text review you should of watched a video but you fucked up and came here instead. I am sorry. Okay I will try to explain. You see those blue parts. Depending on the trax mode you select, They will be spilt in 2×2 or 3×3. So one side will be up, left, down and the other will be x,a,b. Got it? Nope.. Just watch a video… Get combo’s, get a good score and get your Letter Grade at the End!

Do this enough and you level up and unlock more songs. Songs you might of never heard of before.. but still they are catchy and perfect for these type of games. I really don’t want to be doing this shit to Sia… Heard enough of that song already.. No thank you. You also have a world tour mode that will help you take over the word! Well not really.. but hey.. would be nice?

World Tour is setup with different challenges for songs. Like a certain amount of combos or clearing a set of songs. You can also earn xp and unlock songs in this mode. If you are up for a challenge then this is a mode you might want to start off with first. Use it to help you Unlock some DJ Icons to give yourself more health and other goodies.

Overall Feeling

I feel like i have backed myself into locked room, again this game is a bit hard to explain in text. I feel like this review isn’t that great even though the game is great. It is a top notch rhythm game that has a really good port that rivals the Vita release. I don’t think I am selling this as good as I could because I can’t. I am not a writer, I am a gamer. The game looks great in handheld mode and looks even better on the dock. You already know what I think about when it comes to game-play/controls. The song selection is over 60 songs and even has a bunch more as DLC. Hell you can get some more songs for FREE. Do not complain about Music DLC, that shit cost money in licenses.  I overall highly suggest it,  Get it for the Switch. You have already beat mario… you can spend $40 on this.. do it… do…it..

Oh Yeah… Back to the Story Part 2.

So it was after Thanksgiving, I was playing this exact game in bed. The switch and the vita are really the greatest consoles for before bed time gaming. So I am playing, unlocking some songs and I feel like my time is up. I quickly turn off my switch and put it up for the night. Before I know it I had fallen asleep but I was rudely interrupted.  I heard this old man laugh, I opened my eyes and it was Santa playing on my Switch.

I could then hear music playing, he was playing SuperBeat… He was playing “Keep on Rockin”. At first I though “Holy Shit! Some weirdo broke into my house dressed as Santa! Get the Gun!”…. But he paused the game and looked right at me… What he said next spooked me. “Dezkly, you are dead and I am here to take you to see someone special.”

First off, how did this guy know my name. How did I die, How did he get in my house since I do not have a chimney and will this fat bastard give me a present even though he is like.. a month early? Santa just looked at me and said ” I will explain everything to you. He tried to reach out and touch me.  “Fucker! If you touch me I will say you sexually harassed me!”, I said to Santa.  He laughed and gave a big grin.

At this moment I was thinking,” Well I’m going to have to take him down.”.  Santa turned his back to me and said ” Ok, I won’t touch you.. Just close your eyes and we will be with who you need to see”.  To me.. This seemed like a trap.. but I closed my eyes.. I opened them and I was in a completely different place.  A room in complete white, like white floors and walls.. not just white people… That would of been really odd.

Santa standing in front of me, holding a present in his hand. He handed it over to me and wanted me to open it. I slowly ripped off the Christmas wrapping. What was in the box had cursed me since I was a child. I had always had dreams where this character would pop up in. It was a DVD copy of Childs Play. Chucky on the cover started to talk to me. He would repeat one thing over and over again.. ” Easy Easy Go Easy Easy Call, Life is such a bitch you better have some fun Yeah!.”

I looked back at Santa and he smiled. Not knowing what was going on, I just wanted to get this over with. I asked Santa is if this was what I was suppose to meet with. He said ” No, this is just a Christmas gift. You have been a OK human this year… You should of worked on your review and site… but you put it off and made the OK list instead. I will take you to whom you shall see.”

So we walk for a bit, until we meet something so bright that I could not really make out what it was. Santa stayed back like he was afraid of it. Kinda like the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz, he was kinda a little bitch around it. But this glowing thing quietly said ” Dezkly, I will ask you a question and then you may ask me one question.” Oddly enough I agreed.

The bright thing then asked its question. “What would you like to know the most about Humanity?

I thought for a minute and I blurted out a response… “I want to know why…. Why… Does someone always put a dick on a snowman.. They cant reproduce that way.. You have to build snow people…’

He kind of laughed and answered ” Are you messing with me? Seriously… Are you slow or something.. you can ask anything about Humanity.. you asked that? Ok.. They do that because some people think it is fun. These are some of the same assholes that get busted later on for naughty things.”

At that moment I remembered all the stories of 23 year old female teachers getting busted for having sex with students..  but somehow Santa was reading my mind and blurted out ” That’s because they think they can get away with it, don’t they know those young boys are only going to brag about it! I see it all the time… Naughty list for them all”

The bright thing then asked ” Now you can ask me a question, anything in the world. You can even ask what I am if you like, I will answer you honestly.” I stood around thinking.. What should I ask this thing? Is it GOD? Am I really Dead? Is this Heaven or Hell?

I then thought of the perfect question, I told him I was ready and then I asked…

Whats Your Function In Life?

His brightness died down, he started to have a human look to it, he/she looked confused. Santa gave me the same look and just said ” I think we should go.” He quickly started to push me away. Before I knew it, I was back in my bed. Santa by my door.

“Tell you what, You finish your game, you keep your promise to write up the review and I will let you be.”

Then I woke, With my Switch in hand and on this grade screen..

I laid in bed for a bit, thinking about what had happened. Was it real? Was it some odd fever dream. I thought about it until around the first of December. But like all dreams it just vanished from my memory. Until December 13th. Santa had shown up again in my sleep, just staring at me with his rosey red cheeks, not saying anything. I woke up and he was gone, but my switch was out again.  Game on and waiting on the menu for me.

I thought this was odd because I had not fallen asleep with my switch out. That really does not sound right… But anyways… A few days ago Santa had came again but this time he was angry.

“Listen here, All you have to do is write something up, that’s all.. You have had the screen shots for along time, Just put that shit together!” said Santa. I looked at Santa with a blank face.

I quietly said to him ” Santa, How much is your soul worth. What is your function in life?” He looked at me in shock, He backed away, to escape.. to somehow make me wake up from the dream I was in. But Santa did not know me very well.. He did not know that I could somehow lucid dream after meeting the bright thing. ” Time to wake up and write.” He said.

“No” I said… ” Time for you to be useful, time to write Santa! I know you have been playing my switch at night!”

He looked at me stunned, ” No!” he said.

“If you don’t write my review for me… well I will let Krampus fuck you up”. I said to Santa… The Krampus had appeared looking hungry for Santa flesh.  Santa became flustered, Knowing he was screwed. He agreed to write. Santa took out a long sheet of paper and wrote his heart out. He said he loved the visuals, he loved the music, he liked being in the top 50 of the leaderboard at one time. But Santa hand writing was well.. Shit..

Cursive… All Cursive.. who the hell could read all of that doctor scribble at times.  Krampus was not pleased and started to attack Santa. They started to fight but Santa knew he was no match. Santa cried ” I just want to leave, I will leave you alone forever. Please GOD LET ME GO!”…

I decided it was time for this to all be over, I told Santa it was time, but first I had someone I wanted him to meet. I took him into a room and gave him a box. He opened it and it was that Child’s Play DVD but this time it said more then the last.  ” Santa, We are going to have a lot of fun!”.

I quickly backed out of the room and locked them in a room together for eternity. I woke up and the scribble review was by my side. What you read above was partial from what I could make out from Santa scribble. Well besides the cadbury.. Why they do that shit… Really.. Damn I could of asked the bright thing about it…

The moral of the story, If Santa doesn’t come tonight.. Just know he might be stuck in a room with a dvd of child’s play… Because no one ever tells me what to do… Really that didn’t explain why I was gone for 2 years, but we still don’t understand why the fuck they sell “Trumpy Bears” also.. Who the hell would buy that shit… So.. yeah.. Merry Christmas Everyone!

Superbeat: Xonic Is out now on the Nintendo Switch!

Developed by Nunjoy and Published by Acttil. Retail and Digital for $40. I highly suggest it if you are into rhythm games.

Disclaimer the nice people at Acttil provied a review code for me. That was really nice of them..